Coffees and Doggies

I'm feeling nostalgic today. Not even sure if that's the right word for my mood, but there it is.
Thinking back on days when I was a Starbucks Barista and dog-sitter. Looking back fondly on those days, if you can believe it.
I'm thinking of my favorite customers from Starbucks and my favorite dogs from Happy Hounds.
There was the pastor that got me a job at the Boys and Girls Club after I quit the bank. He would come on Saturday mornings to prep for his radio program. Venti coffee in a mug for him. Room for cream.

Lady and Dante were my favorite downtown dogs. Lady was hyper as all get out and so sweet. Wherever I slept, she would lay in between me and the door. Dante was so old I had to give him asthma treatments. Seriously. I called the owner (who was a doctor) on his vacation at 3am to get instructions for the breathing machine.

The Man in Black that would walk in soft and unannounced in the dark early hours before we opened. A few of my managers liked to keep the doors unlocked. This man scared me to death, but I felt a connection to him. He was there all day every day, drinking his black coffee, smoking on the deck and talking with other patrons and baristas. He would get grumpy with me if I held the door open for anyone or smile at someone who was impatient with me. Despite his gruff exterior, I think he had a soft heart.

Another beloved downtown job was the ghost dog. He, too, was old and weak. And blind. He shuffled around the house all day, bumping into things. But at night, he became like a puppy: dancing all over and wagging his tail. Husband and I would joke that he must be playing with doggie ghosts.

There was the customer that called on his way each morning to be sure we had one blueberry muffin left. On the weekends he checked to see if there were two - one for him and one for his wife. We eventually started to set them aside first thing in the morning to guarantee his breakfast for him.

Aries and Argus were monster dogs that I watched the most often. They were so big and strong they had one leash that split at the head and connected them together so they couldn't pull me in two different directions. They also had shock collars. Many times they would see a squirrel across a grassy field and charge. No time for shock collars and they were immune to them anyway. I spent many walks with them being drug on my tummy. Literally.

I loved those jobs. I really did. I was good at them. I don't feel confident as a mom, but I felt confident at the helm of the espresso machine.
I don't feel confident when I have to discipline First Born.
I felt confident when I went with my bosses to meet clients...and their owners.
I don't feel confident as a mom.
BUT - I know this is God's plan. And even though I'm at a loss and I'm always doubting myself and my parenting, I LOVE this job. I love my kids. I love my husband. I love the life God has planned for me. I love the lessons I learn.
I'm glad I'm not confident. I don't believe the girls would get the best of me if I was.
I don't believe I would be as ready for God's guidance if I was. I'm so glad that He leads us to places of uncertainty so that we can see the He is our only certainty.
I'm also grateful that I don't have to put my girls on a single leash so they can't tear me in two when they want to go different directions...yet.