So much going on this week. I have a Dr. appointment in a few hours. I am being retested for gestational diabetes and having a bi-weekly non-stress test done.
May I just grumble and throw this out there:
Uh, I am having this baby in about 3 weeks. Does it really matter at this point if I have GD? I mean...seriously?
Sigh. I know it does matter and I would walk through fire for my children...so drinking a sickeningly sweet drink that gives me killer heartburn is nothing, right? Or maybe just enough to test my "walk though fire" statement.
Richard's grandpa passed away yesterday, so he is staying home today and going to my appointment with me. The only loss (due to death) my husband has experienced in his 29 years is our miscarriage. He knows he's been blessed to have all his grandparents for this long, but it hurts so much no matter how old you are.
I am having a hard time understanding and knowing how to support my husband. Death and loss were introduced to me at a very young age. My mom lost 4 babies after me - 3 far along enough that we had funerals. My first memory is playing with my baby brother in his casket. Sounds morbid, I know. It was the viewing and my sister and I were curious about him. We poked and adjusted his little hat, syuck our fingers in his mouth, stroked his cheeks...that was just how things were. Throughout life I was exposed to many losses and funerals. As a 15 year old, I stood with fat tears rolling dwn my cheeks, singing praise songs with other family members while my grandma took her last breath. One amazing thing about that day is exactly 11 years later, I sat with fat tears rolling down my cheeks, singing praises over my new baby girl that now bears my grandma's name : R. Victoria.
Anyway. Loss is normal to me. I understand it. I hate it, but I understand it and feel that God has given me a special ability to be ok with death.
So how do I support a man that has never had to deal with it on a personal level? For now, just pray and listen.
We have a lot of questions for our Dr today that I'm hoping we get answered. Everything was so hectic on Friday that we weren't given much information.
What are we looking for with stress tests? If I don't have diabetes...what does that mean? You mentioned my placenta might not me functioning (hence the crazy amount of fluid in there)...uh, doesn't Fo need that? Can I go to Grandpa's funeral? Can Richard? What kind of time frame are we looking at really?
Anyway. I guess I wrote those out more for my benefit. I need to take notes with me so I don't forget.
Not a very exciting post, but just what is on my mind this morning. I got up to do what pregnant ladies do best at 4:30 this morning and have not been able to get back to sleep. Results? Endless babbling on my blog!
Coming soon: I had a lovely baby shower on Saturday. My friend, Angela (on my blog list: Rash Family - Katie, I know you explained how to link and I am so grateful, but haven't had time to practice yet!!) threw it for me with mostly ladies from my church. We had the perfect turn out -big enough to make a dent in the goodies and small enough to be able to chat with everyone. Pictures to come as soon as I get them from my mom's camera. Baby Allie was there with her mom, Amy!!! I got to hold Allie...oh, she's precious! And Amy looks so amazing I wanted to puke! :)
Anyway. Updates later. Pictures soon. Hope you all are having an amazing week!
4 comments:
I couldn't sleep this morning either and thought I'd be the only person crazy enough to be checking blogs at 5:30 am and then I saw your comments and post :)
I'm so sorry for your husband's loss. It is very sad to lose grandparents. (And I can't even imagine the grief your mother experienced losing four babies!) I'm praying today that Richard will experience God's peace during this time and that you'll be equipped to comfort him.
Praying for your appointment and praying for you and Richard as you deal with his grandfather's passing.
My thoughts and prayers are with your family during this diffcult time. I know how hard it is to try and support someone who doesn't really talk. In the 8 years Tim and I have been together we have had 4 major losses in his family. I will be praying for your baby to make a safe and healthy entry into this beautiful world.
I went through the same thing with my hubby. He lost his great-grandma a few years ago after she died peacefully in her sleep. I just couldn't relate. I figured he should be happy for her. I mean isn't that how we all want to go? ANyway I hope you can find a way to be there for Richard and hope that baby Fo comes soon!
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