I must say that while I wrote this post I was debating whether or not to go to a play group at our church. I felt bad staying home since it's been so icky here and Rae has been patiently playing inside for a week now. I won't say that I heard jazz music in my heart that set my feet to dancing out of this funk-a-liciousness as soon as I got there, but I did remind myself of the way I've gotten through this in the past: just press on. It will pass. I will press on and read what my Lord has to say to me because I know that it is still sinking in and feeding my soul. I will not hide in my house like a hermit (as much as I want to) because that certainly will not help! I will let my roots stretch themselves deeper and deeper to find refreshing water (thanks, Adrian) and I will certainly take Lisa up on that kid-free coffee date. (thank you, friend). Just wanted to share even in the midst of funk (now I'm just enjoying that word), God does find ways to draw us out.
And on a funny note. My daughter is the most hug-a-licious girl I've ever seen! Throw her in a room with other kids and she is an affectionate lovin' machine! Sometimes a little too loving. We left play group early because I was worn out from pulling her off kids all day. How do you teach a 16 month old about personal space?
Have you ever had a really long feeling of funk that just won't go away? That's me lately. My house is still clean. Family still fed. Body still showered. But beyond the basics, I just feel blah. I've been really trying to consistently read my Bible lately, which for reasons unknown has always been hard for me. I think because I know there is so much behind the words. So much to learn and understand. I'm not satisfied with the basic reading, although that is just as important as studying the deeper truths. I miss my high school and college days when I would feel so refreshed and alive after reading the Word. But I know mere feelings are not what the basis of any relationship should be, especially one with God. SO I press on in my reading, feeling and experiencing...well, nothing. To be honest.
We haven't been to church in months, save for Easter. And I have received quite a few lectures from family which makes me want to stay home even more on Sundays out of stubbornness. (how's that for acting like a Princess of the King?! :www.everydaybecky.blogspot.com) I just hate being an adult and talked to like I'm a child about decisions my family makes. But that's my pride talking and we all know pride is not a desirable characteristic!
Anywho...Any of you ever felt this way? Any good stories for how you jolted yourself out?
2 comments:
BEEN THERE! More than once. I think at times, it was my own doing, I just let myself be in a funk and had to decide not to be. Other times, I think maybe were a test of my heart, will I be devoted in the desert? Is my love for Him shallow or do my roots run deep? And these times were even used to grow my roots, I had to reach further to draw the refreshment.
I love you, dear sister, and know our sweet Lord's plans are to prosper you and He continually pursues your heart. XO
Oh, how many times have I been in that exact same spot? Dozens? Hundreds? Even now, something feels...forced. I will get started praying for you today. And one of these days, let's get together for coffee or something and leave the kids with our hubbies, just for old times' sake.
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