Lots to Say

I haven't been in a very bloggy mood lately. I am still adjusting to working...I use the term "work" very loosely. I have the most wonderful opportunity to watch my friend, N's, precious daughter, A, three days a week. I get to bring Liz and, really, I have an amazing day of watching these girls play and relaxing while they're napping. The adjustment part comes when I get home and realize that I should clean or cook or do SOMETHING productive, but I opt for feeding Liz, putting her to bed and vegging. Now, blogging is not necessarily productive, but it's therapeutic for me. I have no clue who actually reads this and am often amazed when I hear that some people do. It's intimidating. But, it's fun, too! So, if you're reading this and I don't know you or I don't know that you read this, I hope you will forgive my clumsiness at times. And thanks for listening. You are the ultimate counselor!

Now as for these pictures. I learn a great many things from my daughter. I remember after one miscarriage, I was crying out to God. I was never angry at Him, just needing His immeasurable comfort in those times. I told Him that I wanted a child so I could better understand where He was coming from as my Father. That might not make much sense, and that's not the only reason I wanted children. But, I was talking with Him, pouring out my heart and that's one thing that resulted: I want to feel what He feels (as best as a human can) and learn from the experience of parenthood. Boy, did He ever come through on that one! When I first had those quiet moments with Liz in the darkness of night, just her and me, I understood some things about His love that I've never grasped before. This is what unconditional love is, I thought. I looked into her precious face, knowing that she was a new being of two existing ones. Actually, she is a compilation of generations of people. And yet, she's brand new. All her own flesh and blood, soul and heart. I did not create her. She is God's masterpiece, not mine. I joke often that I had the great opportunity to incubate her (and let's face it: the path to pregnancy (the one we didn't know we were on!) was pretty fun) but God is her Creator. The Great Imagination behind her. And He did an amazing job! I still can't love her, or understand her, the way He does. He is the Master behind all that she is and will be. I am still amazed by that. I am so grateful (often to the point of tears) that He has entrusted Deech and I to care for her. What an honor indeed!
Another thing I have been learning lately is that we are definitely born sinful, willful people. I know it's hard to imagine that a precious baby has a sinful nature, but they do! I believe that God extends the majority of His grace to these young hearts as they are learning the difference between right and wrong, but we are definitely born sinners. Liz hits. And screams in frustration. And bites. And sneaks behind the tree to play with ornaments when she thinks Mommy isn't looking. Not major offenses, or course. But I didn't teach her these things. She hasn't seen them acted out for her. Deech and I certainly don't hit or bite or scream at each other. She does these things, minor as they are, all on her own. They are just hints of what is natural for us. To want things our way. Not Mommy and Daddy's way (although we know what is best). Aren't we like that? "No thank you, God, Creator and Author of EVERYTHING. I think I know better and I am going to do it my way." And yet, God extends us His mercy. He lets us go our way, only to realize that we didn't know best. And He in no way holds it over our heads when we come back to Him...even if it takes a lifetime. He just embraces us. He loves us. Just like when Liz comes crying to me after she has hurt herself after I told her not to do something. I still love her and embrace her and give her the chance to try things again the right way. I also have to stand back and let her make mistakes at times. And God so often does that with us. How else would we learn? Parenthood is the ultimate lesson in God's unconditional love. "...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23,2 "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
Liz has started walking, and that is where I will share a final lesson. I haven't blogged about her steps yet because they were not what I expected. I thought that after steps one and two, she would be walking all over. Not so much. She walks across the room in the morning, only to crawl everywhere else the rest of the day. She can walk and does walk, but is more comfortable crawling the majority of the time. She still isn't "walking". She is stepping periodically and teasing the snot out of us! We are leaving for vacation on Monday morning and I know once we are on the plane, THAT is when she will want to walk! Anyway, watching her reminds me of something I've heard many times. Learning to walk in the ways of the Lord are much like watching a child learn to walk. We stumble and fall and cry and fail many times. But the more we try and practice, the sturdier out little legs get and the further we can go. Soon we shall be running and leaping!
Anyway. Enough babble. If you've made it this far in the post, you are brave....or very bored! I am shamed to say that I have misplaced my advent calender (I had company and cleaned off the table). So I will pick up a new one at church on Sunday and try to post the next week for those of you that may be following. I may not get to blog for a week, so I will miss reading every one's blogs and I hope you all have a great week!