I remember the first time I talked to my Dr about Fo's "pinching". It was at her one year appointment and I casually mentioned, "So, she likes to pinch my neck. Like really pinch it, especially when she's nervous or uncomfortable. Um...is that weird?" He agreed it was weird but assured me it wasn't "medically weird".
Three years later, it's still weird. And it's become intense. Fo squeezes and strokes, pinches and pokes my neck whenever she gets a chance. It started when she was a baby. While I was nursing, she would reach up and pinch my neck. Precious.
When she was a little older and in situations that made her nervous or when she would get hurt, she would pinch my neck to comfort herself. Hmm. Weird, but ok.
Lately I've caught her stroking her sisters' faces and going for their necks as well. Alarming. We do our best to watch it and redirect her.
Now she will sneak pinches with me. "Mommy, I just want a hug..." and she'll try to discreetly rub my neck. Infuriating.
I know I sound like a wretched mom using that word: infuriating. But when you've tried to teach your daughter not to do something for years, it becomes frustrating to have made no progress at all. Especially when it starts to hurt.
Last week I broke down. I mean really broke down, man.
I cried to Mr, "I can't even have her hug me without first having to hold her arms down or without me tensing up. This is starting to intrude on our relationship and my ability to be affectionate with her because my neck hurts so bad and it gives me the heebies every time she touches it!"
Mr. heard my unspoken pleas of "FIX IT! HELP ME!!" and we sat Fo down and did our best, again, to explain that the neck grabbing has got to stop. In better words than I've been able to come up with, Mr. encouraged her that Mommy loves her hugs and snuggles, but the neck pinching hurts. For the first time, it seemed, she heard us. We practiced and practiced hugging for a long time, over and over, and all of us laughed and passed out high fives each time she was able to hug without any neck grabbing or pinching.
Still, it's a thing with her and we realize it will take more than practice. She's tactile and needs something to squeeze. Enter Mr. Squishy. I went to the bank with the two youngers a couple weeks ago and the banker happened to have this little squishy on her desk. Fo and Boo played with it until it was time to leave.
And then Fo talked about that squishy all day.
I told Mr the night of my melt-down that we needed to find a squishy like that.
Early last week I was back at the bank to sign something, and casually asked the banker the oh-so-odd question of where she got the squishy, doing my very best (and failing miserably) to keep the desperation out of my voice.
"This?" she asked, holding it up, her tone confused. Realizing how weird it sounded, I briefly explained why I wanted to buy one of our own.
She sweetly smiled at me and gave me the squishy. Such a simple act and yet it has changed our little world. During story time and movie night and every time in between that is normally a neck squeezing session for Fo, we hand her Mr. Squishy. We snuggle, she squishes him, and I relax.
No comments:
Post a Comment