I really hope this will sound like the encouragement I intend it to be and not the rant it might appear to be. Lately it seems Facebook is inundated with articles and snarky comments about the evils of any kind of birth except natural. I know a great many women that are pregnant right now and I want to encourage them...hopefully.
When I was pregnant with Little Miss, I begged Mr. to go to "Natural Childbirth Class" with me. I had every--every!--intention of birthin' that baby while experiencing as much pain as I could. I had to beg because we were already attending a birth class and so far all we had gleaned from it was the heartburn I endured from our traditional Del Taco run on the way home after each aforementioned class.
I still giggle at our weekly car conversations in the drive-thru:
Him. hesitant: "What do you want?"
Me, confident: "Macho Nachos."
Him, eyebrow cocked at me: "Seriously?"
Me, looking him boldly in the eye, challenging: "Yes."
An hour later, me groaning and burping: "Why did you let me order that? Don't let me have anything with jalapenos on it ever again!"
He finally agreed to the natural class and it terrified me. Instead of playing peaceful videos of women in childbirth, they picked the loudest, scariest, most horrific birthin' women I could have ever imagined. So when it came right down to it, and I'd been in labor for hours and hours without much progress and lots o' pain, I asked for an epidural. I distinctly remember that angel of a man entering the room and as he was giving me a warning that there was a very small chance of him missing and paralyzing me, I thought, "I would rather be in a wheelchair forever than feel this anymore." Call it wussing out if you must. In the end, I had my baby, was able to nurse right away, left the next day, and we went on our merry way as a family of three.
With Fo, I was determined to go all natural. Because of a condition I had with her, I had to be induced and it was an intense day. Still, I felt more prepared that time and I knew I could have her myself with no drugs. I just wanted to have that notch on my belt, you know?
Unfortunately, the day went downhill fast when her heartbeat slowed down to almost nothing and I was rushed into the OR to get her out as fast as possible to save her life. Amazingly the adrenaline rush from those two minutes jolted her and we were able to try again to have her the natural way. But hours and hours and hours later I felt like my hip was going to break off (sure that's not possible, but that's what I felt) with each contraction and I hadn't dilated one smidgen since the close-call in the OR. After trying nearly everything we could think of, the Dr gave us the option to have a C-section and, despite my extreme disappointment, I agreed.
When the Dr got her first look at Fo she said, "Oh baby, I'm so sorry!" Then she leaned over the sheet they hang up (so you don't see yourself...that way...and freak out) and said, "Ok, so she's a little, uh...squished." Poor thing's face was stuck in my hip. It took a lot of pulling and pushing and leveling to get her out. (It also took days for her face to recover from the dents and bruises) And then she was taken away and I might have passed out a little and didn't get to hold her until much, much later. While in recovery, the nurse knew how worried I was about my Fo and she and the nursery nurses talked many times on their little phones and would relay things to me: "She has big dimples!"
"Her blood sugar is low and your husband is giving her a bottle..." I cried at that one. I wanted her to eat and be healthy, of course, but I'd read so much about bottles ruining a baby's ability to nurse. I'd also read a lot about how bonding immediately after birth is essential to a healthy baby. I was heartbroken.
Over the next few days, I had a few visitors comment slightly negatively about the C-section. I felt like a failure. It was not a fun time.
But, as I held her and snuggled her and -wonder of wonders!- nursed her for the next 15 months, I realized: those articles and negative comments are wrong. Just wrong.
It's a lie. No matter how you bring your baby into the world, you are still a brave mom. You still worked hard. You still have a story to tell. You and your baby will be just fine. Your baby can still nurse if they have some formula. In fact: you don't have to nurse at all to have a healthy baby and be good mom.
When it was time to have Boo, I had the same condition as before and Mr. and I decided that the best thing for both of us was to have a scheduled C-section. Oh, the comments-some from strangers!-when that was ever brought up.
But we knew what was best for the health of our baby. We'd been through one close call and weren't going to risk another one.
Boo's birth was the most relaxed, amazing birth of them all. She was healthy and robust and we were both doing well enough for me to nurse her in recovery.
Each of my children came into this world a different way. I am bonded with each of them in a unique and wonderful way. And their birth has nothing to do with it.
God's grace has everything to do with it.
So let's be easy on each other, ok? Each one of us has enough worry for today without putting unrealistic pressure on each other. How we birth our children is not a salvation issue. So let's knock it off!
Ok? Ok. Encouragement-that-sounds-suspiciously-like-a-rant-over.
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