Naked

I've used this word frequently on Facebook the last couple of days and I'll use it again:
Naked.
It's the only word that describes how I feel right now. Stripped bare for everyone to see all of the jiggly bits that need tightening up.
I know I've been blogging a lot about the book, and I promise I'll move on to life as usual in a day or so. But for now I just have to be honest: when I wrote the book, I never really thought about anyone reading it.
Ok, well, I dreamt of people reading it and loving it and all that jazz. But I never thought about the people I know reading it.
And that is completely different.
For those of you that know me and have received your copy of the book, you'll probably notice some similarities between myself and one (or two or three) of the characters. I've been told this is common for a first book. You can't help but bleed yourself into the story.
So now the book is in the hands of 41 people that get to read all of those intimate thoughts. Because bits of me are so present in the story, 41 people will not know for sure what is fiction and what is truth.
41 people will now have thoughts and ideas about my life that may or may not be true.
41 people will now have a grasp of my writing style and have an opinion of how good (or bad) it is.
Some of them might really like the book. Some of them might really hate it. Some might not care one way or the other. Today I am very aware that others are reading this work of mine, and I am a nervous wreck.
But I am reminded (as I fret and worry over what others will think) that this is an act of obedience on my part. God very much impressed upon my heart to write this book.
He was gracious to me when I wanted to give up.
He directed me to the right publisher and has been so good to work out the process.
So when I think, "Someone else could have done it better," I have to acknowledge that, while that is true, God told me to do this.
And He will bring about the results that He desires.
I heard once that throughout their life, turtles shed the plates of their shell and new ones form while they grow. In essence, they are growing when they are the most vulnerable. That's how I feel. Naked. Vulnerable. Desperate to gather all copies of the book back to me and say, "Never mind, I'm just going to keep this until someone comes along to do it better."
But. The One who started this process will bring it to completion in the way that He desires. While I'm naked and vulnerable, He is resurfacing me in preparation for the next task, the next stage on this journey.
How about you? Have you ever been stretched -- publically or privately -- and seen the results of your vulnerability later? Speak comfort to me, friends!

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