I struggle --oh how I struggle-- to find these and more.
Especially now. I've written a book. It's in the process of publication. My dreams have come true. Wow.
But...I want to keep doing this. To keep writing. To keep doing all I can through the gift God has given me to point others to Him. I also want to be a good mom - no, a great mom. And an excellent wife that is worth more than rubies to my husband.
So how do I balance? How do any of us balance what is important in our families and what is important in our ministry? It's not so simple. There are a lot of falling-on-my-face-asking-the-Lord-to-lead moments.
Which is not a bad thing. In my ministry as a wife and a mother and in my ministry as a writer, I need to be completely helpless before the Lord.
Most often, I go it my own. My life looks like a craft Little Miss might put together with things I give her from our craft closet. She knows what the glue and glitter and paper and scissors do and knows what she wants the project to look like in the end. She wants to make me something beautiful that I will hang on my wall proudly, and I do no matter the result.
But. While she's learning to use these tools she can do them incorrectly and be frustrated in the end when we have to throw it away and start over.
I feel that way when I try to parent or partner or write on my own.
It's over glittered. Messy. Goopy with a drippy overabundance of glue.
My intentions are good. But this side of heaven, I really need direction to know how to use these tools in a way that will honor Him in the best way. And the only way to not waste or overdo or underdo or whatever, is to be consistently teachable and open to His guidance.
I don't think I'll ever figure it out completely. I might cut straighter lines and learn to be sparing with the glue and sprinkle the glitter just so, but I'll always need His guidance and instruction.
My prayer is that if I succeed at nothing, that I would succeed at that.
For now, I'm on my face in this messy craft, doing my best to balance. Failing often, but willing to get up and try again.
2 comments:
Bethany, your posts are beautiful. Poignantly honest; perceptive and wise. Last week I went for a very long prayer walk (listened to Meredith Andrews' newest CD, every song of which turned out to be the deep cries of my heart). My conclusion: "Lord, I'm helpless." That was it. Nothing more. It was a sweet place to be, actually.
Hooray on the book! How exciting and what an accomplishment.
I love your analogy to life and craft and glitter and glue. I feel the very same way a lot of the time. I've been praying to have a teachable mind recently. We can't ever not depend on Him because then it comes right back to depending on ourselves.
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