I want, I want, I want

Overwhelmed today. I had a funny post in mind (that I started writing in my head at precisely 1:44am) but it's just not flowing. I'll save it for when I feel witty. Ha! The last thing I should be doing when I'm in such a funk is blog about it, but I want to be real. I don't want to present myself as one who has it all figured out with no bad days. Trust me. I do. Today is one of those days where I want to sit around and eat chocolate and watch bad reality tv. Productive, right? Do you ever have those days that you have so much to get done that you're overwhelmed? So much to think through and process that you're bummed? I know that I know that I know that God is in control and knows what He's doing. I am so sinful, though, that I still question. My nature is to want to take over. I want to make my Mom well. She keeps talking about her death in the most matter-of-fact way and I just want to scream! I can't imagine my life without my mom. I just can't. It's life. We are all mortal, every one. But to watch it happening...I just can't stand it. I want her well! I want to be able to continue to call her when my kids are sick and I feel like she will know what to do. I want to laugh together over iced tea, chips, and salsa at our favorite mexican restaurant. I want to watch my girls run to her front door and have her greet them. I want her to sit beside me at their weddings and pass me the tissues. I want to watch her hair turn white and her little body wrinkle and I want to lead her around palces until she's 100! I want her -and need her- in my life so much more than I ever realized before. I want my dad to come home. He works a few states away during the week and comes home on weekends. He so badly wants to come home and be with his wife and I just don't understand why it's not happening! I hate to think of him being alone all week. And I know the travel every weekend gets to him. It's tiring. I want to be debt free. Every time we're close - just a few payments away- something big happens: the furnace needs replaced, the car we share breaks down, and other unexpected things. I want to be patient with my children. I want to enjoy their crazy antics. I want to feel confident about the way God has called me to school them. I want others to be supportive instead of skeptical when I tell them our plans. I want to find the right church for our family. There is no perfect church (this side of heaven), but I long for solid teaching, fellowship, and the right place for our kids. We're lonely. I'm especially lonely for my husband to have friends here outside of work. I have friends, but play dates are not always the best avenue for fellowship. And I so badly want to connect with other families and couples, not just women. I'm so overwhelmed from trying to find the right place that most weekends I just want to stay home. It's such a struggle. I want to be connected to serve, not just take up space. I want to be up before the girls and read the Word and prapare for the day. But I'm just so tired! I love that Fo is talking, but sometimes I want to change my name! And stop up my ears! In a house full of girls, there is a lot of chatter! Ahhhh!!!!! I want, I want, I want. Sigh. Enough ranting. I'm confused. I'm heartbroken. And I'm lonely. But...as I'm sitting here venting, a verse tugs at my heart. Reminding me there is a bigger picture. It's ok to be sad and overwhelmed. I don't necessarily need to figure it out. Isaiah 55: 8,9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. 9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts."