Ever noticed as a mom (or wife or woman or human being
) how much we long to please others? Or make them think the best of us? How we put our pretty side forward and cover the ugly? I'm not in the mood today.
Deep Breath. Here goes. This is not my pretty side.
I (recently) bribed my kids with m&m's to let me clip their nails. One for each nail clipped. Before breakfast.
It's True.
When I'm in church listening to a very convicting, stellar sermon about not judging others and such, I often shift my eyes to that one person (isn't there always one?) that REALLY needs to hear the sermon...instead of realizing that I'M the one judging at that moment! And when I make the connection, I STILL wonder if so and so caught that part...and that part... (I must say, in my new church I haven't really experienced this yet - I just LOVE the folks in this place! But 30-something years of church going has given me plenty of opportunities)
It's True.
When I have a close friend who becomes close with someone else...I get jr high jealous inside. It's ugly. I can have numerous friends...my friends, however, are stuck with just me.
It's True. (Except I keep the silly jealousy to myself)
My sister's father had a child about 16 years ago. That girl is just as much my sister's sister as I am...except when she refers to my sister on Facebook as "sissy"...oh my! I rant and rave in my head. "Sissy, is a word reserved for those that have been held down in the snow by their big sister; those forced to eat poisonous berries by their big sister; those pushed down a flight of concrete stairs by their big sister; those that have run into the family room giggling on Christmas morn together; those that have shared secrets; shared wedding memories; have cried over the same dog dying; have the same trampoline tanning memories...she is my sissy. Missy."
It's True. Hmmm...maybe I should evaluate this jealousy?
I don't read my Bible every day. Or every week. I want to. I do. Sometimes, I just get in a rut and I don't.
It's sadly True.
I never, ever complete my Bible study lesson. Most times I show up so someone else will play with/entertain my kiddos for an hour.
It's True.
I want to homeschool my kids. But I don't think it's for everybody.
It's True.
Sometimes I look at my floor and realize I haven't mopped in a month.
It's True. And sticky.
If someone gives me un-invited advice, I smile and nod and try to be pleasant, but no matter how good the advice is, inside I'm thinking of ways to do exactly opposite of the advice being given.
It's True.
Sometimes I lose my cool with my kids and say things that are just as immature as the things they say. "Why are you acting like a 3-year-old??!!!" (And that's usually when God nudges me with, "Yeah. Why are YOU??"
It's True.
2 comments:
I am in the same boat and I love your honesty in sharing. My heart is so ugly and it's hard to share that stuff because you don't want to be judged. We are all there though. Always things we hide and struggle with or don't in secret. Blah. God is so good to love us. A friend of mine shortly after I started following Jesus mentioned how Jesus being God knew the thoughts even of the 12 disciples (men just as ordinarily fallen as any) and He still was their friend. That has always stayed with me and helped me when I have felt overwhelmed with sin.
I love your heart Betty, He's not done with us yet, we won't have perfectly clean hearts and motives until we go to Him or He comes to us, it will be done though! Hang in there!
ahhaha! You are so sweet(and brave) to post like this! I love you and identify with you. Thanking God for His faithfulness to pursue my defiant heart and praying He will continue to change me - in spite of ME! :) xoxo
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