New Way of Life

A wave of determination for a better way of life has been gnawing at me. Like an itch that just won't go away, I have been scratching and fretting over this hole in my heart.
I'm lonely. I've said that before. And instead of being lonely and sad, I am choosing to be different. Just because I feel a certain way, doesn't mean I have to live a certain way.
I'm discontent. Have I mentioned that? Probably not. That's a part of ourselves that usually we try to cover up. Wouldn't want to sound greedy. The fact is, however, I have nothing to be discontent about. I have every need met every day. Beyond the basic needs, I am blessed with my heart's desires: love, family, sweet babies. Truly, what is there to be discontent about?
I heard a story once of a factory that opened in a poor country. The people of the county came and worked hard. Once payday came, no one came to work again. The president of the company was confused and sought them out to see why no one came back to work. They answered that they had been paid enough and had no need to work anymore. After some thought, the company sent out shopping catalogs to the workers. Soon the factory was bustling again. Why? The company showed them what want is.
My husband and I are making changes around here. We canceled our cable. I erased my Facebook account. Now please don't misread what I'm getting at: Nothing is wrong with Facebook or cable.
For me, cable (tv in general actually) is dangerous ground. Without any notice, busty women can saunter into my living room and tell me I need the same pair of underwear while making me feel like a fat cow who would never be caught dead in said underwear looking like I do.
Demons chasing wide-eyed teens scream down the hall in a commercial for the newest horror flick.
No matter how good my intentions with tv, commercials or casual surfing can invite many things into my home that I don't want here. My thought life is hard enough to control without someone telling me how much I "deserve" this or that.
Honestly? All I deserve is hell and Christ has graciously redeemed me from it.
Ehem. So all this to say. I am on a quest. To live a new life. To earnestly seek to glorify God day in and day out.
And as much as I'm going to miss watching the Food Network and sometimes, Bravo, and quite honestly, the Disney and Hallmark channels, I want to do whatever it takes to control my thoughts and wants and loneliness.
I'm not just taking stuff out, either. I'm filling those holes. Instead of chatting with a friend on Facebook today, I called her. I haven't called a friend in the same city for a loooooooooong time. And I have to say, it was so great to hear her voice. A bit of the brick wall I have built around myself that has made me so lonely chipped away.
This afternoon, the girls and I traded cartoons for hats, coats and fresh air. Giggles and grass stains make for better memories than dancing robots.
The girls took a long bath while I read them stories. NB napped on the couch while FB and I played a new game*.
Day 1 and it has been wonderful. I know this will be hard at times. I will miss Facebook and cable. But I would rather create memories and reach out to befriend women in person instead of sitting at my computer praying for a friend to find me.
I am on a quest. I'm excited to share the results with you.


*For some simple fun with little ones: I bought a bag of beans and set out a bunch of measuring cups and containers. We play like it's sand and it's so easy to clean up. FB loves to put coins in her piggy bank, but I don't love her playing with dirty money all day! So I cut a bean size hole in the top of a coffee canister and she puts the beans in the can. We had such fun playing today.