I thought for sure adjusting to Harper would be so much easier. After all, I now know not every little cough warrants a call to the dr, it's ok if I can't have the dishes done every minute, I should plan to start the process of getting ready much, much earlier. Blow outs happen; pack extra outfits. Life is unpredictable and messy. I was so prepared.
I had no idea what was coming.
How do I take care of a newborn AND a toddler?! How do I give enough quality attention to both? How do I insert Harper into the family without shoving Raegan out? How in the world do I take them both out in public by myself? How do I take Raegan out to play in the cold and play with her in the sandbox or on the slide and still hold Harper? Raegan is pretty adventurous and...stubborn. She listens, but she's still learning. How do I do this?!?!?!?!
So, I have been hiding in the house and only going to others' houses. If we go out in public, it is through the drive-through at the bank or with Richard. I know I need to branch out - I'm going crazy in the house and so is Raegan. I'm cranky and frustrated and missing my sense of normalcy.
I decided to try and do practice outings. I'll get us out of the house, around the neighborhood, and eventually to the store and such - baby steps. I will create opportunities to teach Raegan to follow directions quickly and stay right with me. I will teach her to obey right away so that when my hands are full with Harper, my words will be all it will take to get her attention. Should be easy. Right?
Yesterday we had beautiful weather, so I loaded Harper in the front pack (I have a wrap, but she does NOT like it!!) and we headed out for a walk around the neighborhood. I grabbed a gift bag for Raegan to store her "treasures" in (she loads her hands up with leaves and rocks). I was feeling good. Confident. Excited.
I'm not sure how it started, really. We got pretty far into the neighborhood. Her bag was getting really full. A bee kept following us and hovering around. If I shooed it away from Raegan, it came after me and Harper. I hate bees.
Raegan kept stopping in front of driveways to gather tiny little pebbles.
I would adjust Harper, then shift awkwardly from one foot to the other.
One pebble. Two pebbles. Thrrreeeee....pebbles.....FFFFFFFooooouuuuuurrrrrrr....
"Ok! Let's keep walking!"
A pair of grade school girls rode their bikes onto the sidewalk in front of us and stared. We stared back. I gave a shy smile and cleared my throat. Funny how even the smallest of females can make me feel like I don't measure up. We stepped around the Stare Down Duo and kept walking.
A few steps later a bug flew into my chest and got caught between me and Harper.
As any good mother would do, I screamed, jumped and flailed it right out. The black beetle landed on the sidewalk and I breathed a sigh of relief.
I also inhaled a cloud of stink.
Lovely. A stink bug. And it got Harper right in the face.
I was determined to have this be a successful walk.
Minutes later, the bright sunshine was making me sneeze, my back was sweaty from the front pack and I really wanted to wash off the stink. I instructed Raegan to turn back.
And the power struggle was on. She kept trying to turn back around and when I would take her hand, she kept throwing herself on the ground and screaming as I've never heard a child scream before.
Fortunately for me, all the moms on that street were arriving home from errands and out in their front yards and drive ways. Hot, sweaty, stinky and cranky, I decided it would be best to just pick Raegan up and carry her home. I'm still not sure how I accomplished that with the front pack on, but I did.
And my screaming, wailing, kicking, precious little gem fought me tooth and nail all the way home. With snot streaked all across her face and heaving sobs racking her little frame.
I can't imagine why I'm hesitant to take them out in public by myself.
And when Richard came home, the refreshed, happy hero, I might have given him the cold shoulder. Sorry, honey. I do love you. I just might need a bubble bath tonight. Or very night for the rest of their adolescence.
6 comments:
I love you too and you can take one whenever you want.
You will find your new normal eventually. As I type this I have been contemplating going to look at Halloween costumes all morning with the two little ones by myself...and I am chickening out. We will wait for sissy or daddy to go along to help. That is my new normal :)
I totally feel for you. I had four under the age of 3 1/2 and it was soooo hard to go anywhere. Going to get groceries became such a difficult task. It takes a little time, but you will adapt to it. The more you go out, the more Reagan will understand the routine too. Having dad help get groceries sometimes really helped me! Even though he may not have wanted to, one time with me to the store and seeing what having four kids along with me was, he was happy to help (with no kids along of course)! lol
I once had a mom of eight tell me that going from one child to two was the toughest baby transition they ever made, including the six children that came after. I remember hiding after Kenna came along for awhile, and to be honest, I still would rather have Jim with me when we go out. You'll get it figured out. And in the meantime, you're always welcome over here!
(Oops...sorry about that deleted comment. It was full of typos and was killing me.)
I've also heard that the transition from one to two is really hard. Now, after reading your story, I'm even more scared of kid number two.
A friend recently told me that I need to have another kid because mine is getting "only child syndrome." Um, thanks.
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